"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." - Nelson Mandela
The etymology of the word
“return” originates in the Latin elements of “re”: meaning
“back”, and “tornare”: meaning “to turn”. The word is
recorded in its first form “retorner”, an Old French word, in the
early 14 c. as a verb meaning: “to come back; come or go back to a
former position”. By the late 14 c. “retorner” had also taken
on a noun form “retorne” meaning: “the act of coming back”.
Both the verb and noun
meanings of return are well suited as the title for this entry. These
words mark not only a coming back to a former position, but also the
act of coming back. It is an important distinction, referring to both
the taking action and application of intention. These two meanings in
this one word describe both what I am doing, and what I am going
through.
My intentions, the ones I
keep to myself inside my head, were to update this blog much earlier
than this. However, I know enough of my nature to understand the wide
divide between those intentions, and the reality of what I do. Thus,
I decided when I went into the woods that I would take my time in the
reintegration process. Allow myself the time the think, and become,
before I attempted to settle words to screen.
I left my home April 27th,
and came back to “civilization” Thursday April 30th.
It has been 2 months and 10 days. Finally, I feel that I'm ready to
communicate. If you have been awaiting this post I am grateful for
your patience. It takes time to arrange the mind around such an
experience, and only time lends the necessary perspective to
translate that experience to writing.
I'm intending this
information to be rendered into a series of posts, simply because
there is too much information for one entry. I am not currently set
on the number of posts, but I think 3 will round out the experience
of both my Journey and my reintegration nicely. We shall see. For now
we start with the first entry, this entry.
Let me speak to you a little
about journeys. The word journey is defined first as a noun: “an
act of traveling from one place to another ” and also as a verb:
“to travel somewhere ”.
Research tells me that the
intellectual world accepts that there are three kinds of journeys:
physical journeys, inner journeys, and imaginative journeys. A
physical journey is defined as: “a literal journey when you travel
from one place to another”. An inner journey is defined as: “a
journey of the mind and spirit and involves the exploration of
oneself”. An imaginative journey is defined as: “a journey into
the world of imagination, speculation, and inspiration”. I have my
reservations with some points of these definitions, but they are
definitely accurate when speaking from the intellectual and academic
viewpoint on journeys.
A physical journey could be
as simple as going to the grocery store down the street, or as
complicated as moving to France. An inner journey can be as engaging
as mentally chewing on a philosophical idea, or as involved as spending
days in deep meditative trance. An imaginative journey can be as
sweet and light as a daydream, or as in-depth as writing a 600 page
novel. All of these still fall under the definitions of the word
journey, but there is a different kind of journey that I am trying to
touch on, a different kind of journey I am going to be telling you of; one that does not fall neatly into the parameters of one or the other of
these academic definitions.
Now some of the examples
above can absolutely be of, or at least part of, the kind of journey
I'm taking about. For instance, lets look at the example of moving to
France. It can be as simple, and physical, as finding a place to live
in France and moving there. Maybe looking and applying for a rental,
or maybe knowing a friend or having a family member that one could
stay with that lives there. Then it's a matter of generally, packing
and shipping your things, packing up yourself, and moving.
It can be, and I'm sure
there are instances in this world where it is, as simple, as
physical, and more or less uncomplicated as that. Now sure, maybe you
miss your flight because your alarm didn't go off in time, or maybe you get
there and you find out the heater in your new flat needs replaced.
These are inconveniences, sure, but they still hang out in
more of the physical aspects of the journey and don't really touch
into many of the aspects of the other journey types.
Now I present to you Jane.
Jane is moving to live with her great aunt Marie in France, but it's
not so simple. The woman Jane loves, lets call her Barb, has left her
for another woman. Jane and Barb have been together for seven years,
married for three years, and have a cat named Romeo. In Jane's eyes,
their lives were beautiful and perfect together, they were even
thinking about having a baby.
Jane is heartbroken, and
has made the decision to leave everything behind. Start her life
over. She's packed away all the possessions she cares for, namely her
clothes, her laptop, her books, a few paintings, a photo album, and
Romeo. She is currently staying at a pet friendly Motel 6 near the
highway exchange as an extended stay guest for 45 dollars a night.
Jane's living out of her
new bank account where she deposited her most recent paycheck and
half of their savings. Her flight leaves in three days, she signed
the divorce papers that were served her this evening, and she's
sitting down to write in the diary her best friend Diane suggested
she start to help her cope.
She has never been to
France, Jane has actually only moved three times in her entire life. She
knows little of the culture other than what shes seen in the movies,
and knows almost nothing of the language because she took Spanish in
high school.
Jane's move to France is
definitely physical, but its also an emotional, and an inner journey.
This is the kind of journey I'm talking about. A messy journey, a
journey that touches two or all three of the academic definitions of
journeys, all rolled into one. Journey, with a capital J.
"Not all who wander are lost." - J.R.R Tolkien
Before we can return, we
must first go. This sounds rudimentary but, in this world where
people live in both physical and imaginary nested boxes, it is
something that is worthy of stating. Actually, it is worth stating
twice. Before we can return, we must first go.
Whether one does this
willingly or unwillingly, with open arms or kicking and screaming,
prepared or completely unready, the Journey is the same. The Journey
will change you if nothing else, but it has the potential to change
your entire world, and the way you live in and experience that world.
We go through many Journeys
in our lifetime. Transitional periods where we step into the unknown
and face the new dawn hoping we do not burn away in the sun. However
there are different kinds of Journeys in my experience and I would
like to differentiate them.
There are the Journeys you
choose and the Journeys you do not choose. In both Journeys there are
choices to be made, but one happens with your permission, the other
is happening ready or not and its taking you with it. Both can be
equally powerful, equally life changing.
One example of a Journey
I've chosen was when I went to live with my then boss and his family
in Los Angeles. These were people I did not know, very much a part of
African American culture that I had no experience with, in a
sprawling city that was largely unknown to me.
One example of a Journey I
did not choose was the one I embarked upon with my Mother as she took
her final Journey in this life. In my circumstances, I had a choice
whether I would be at her side, or not, as she went through the
process of dying. For me there was only one choice, to stay at her
side, despite vaguely recognizing the door was a neutral object I
could operate.
I watched so many walk in
and out of that door, and knew still others that never crossed that
threshold at all. Yet, everyone who loved her, and who's life she was
intrinsically part of, took a Journey. Whether it was in their own
heart and mind alone after she passed on, or if they were standing at
her bedside telling her how much they loved her as her life slipped
away.
The Journey I have taken
most recently, and the one I am going to be sharing with you, is a
Journey of the first category: the Journey you choose. As I have
said, there is a power in both kinds of Journeys, and though they may
teach similar lessons, they are often different in how they teach
them.
The Journey you choose
takes on the perspective, at least in the beginning (which helps
color the learning you receive while Journeying) of you having a say
in the teaching of yourself. Of you having made this choice to set
your own feet on this path, and learn what this Journey has to teach
you. This is powerful. It allows an openness that isn't always
present in the Journey you do not choose. The Journey you choose also
fosters a sense of self-responsibility which is all important to
learn in life. You are acting, not just reacting. You are exercising
your will to make this happen. You are empowering yourself.
The Journey you do not
choose is a different matter. Often, this Journey is forced on you
either because of a choice you did or did not make, or by happenings
outside of your control. You must take actions in reaction to whats
happening. The choices are still present as to what you do, but you
are caught in the tide, and no matter what this is going to change
you. These types of Journeys can feel like tests of the Gods or the
Spirits. They show what you're made of, for good or ill. The Journey
you do not choose can teach you many things, often without you even
realizing it. Frequently these lessons include adaptability,
endurance, and preservation. The understanding that the world is
greater than you, and you are a tiny part of it. Where the Journey
you choose can be empowering, the Journey you do not choose can make
you feel victimized, out of control, lost.
Now these are not meant to
be hard and fast definitions, but generalizations. A person may
choose to sacrifice their lives for another, and that can be both a
tragic and beautiful thing. A person may also not choose to win a
million dollars in the lottery, but the possibilities of the
consequences of lousy spending habits, greedy loved ones, and taxes
can certainty teach many lessons. At the same time, winning the
lottery can be an excellent opportunity to change ones life for the
better.
Journeys are about the
choices you make, and the lessons you learn. The Journey you choose
at the beginning can turn into a nightmare, just as easily as the
Journey you do not choose can become a dream. As they say, it's all
in the Karma.
“We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the
distance they have traveled from the point where they started.” - Henry Ward Beecher
Now I'm going to begin to
talk about a specific kind of Journey that you choose. There are a
few examples you may recognize for this kind of Journey: Vision
Quest, Pilgrimage, and Walkabout. What are these examples, and what
do they have in common.
A Vision Quest by
definition is: “the ritual seeking of personal communication with
the spirit world through visions that are induced by fasting, prayer,
and other measures during a time of isolation”. A Pilgrimage by
definition is: “a journey to a sacred place or shrine; a long journey or search, especially one of exalted purpose or
moral significance.” A Walkabout by definition is: “a period of
wandering bush life engaged in by an Australian aborigine - often
used in the phrase go walkabout < the man who went
walkabout was making a ritual journey”.
What all of these examples
have in common is that they are all a kind of Spiritual Journey. As
indicative of the name, a Spiritual Journey is a journey of spiritual
purpose.
In several traditions of western magic and spirituality,
Spirit is the fifth element and is often honored at the crux of the
classical four: Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. In these traditions,
Spirit is an essential part of each of the four classical elements,
and also an element all its own.
Much like the element of
Spirit, a spiritual Journey touches every element of your self. Earth
– your physical self, your body. Air – your mental self, your
mind, your thoughts. Fire – your passionate self, your desire, your
soul. Water – your emotional self, your feelings.
Spirit is that which is an
intimately integral part of everything; without spirit there would be
no life, no movement. It is an essential part of you, but at the same
time it is of its own-self and thrives outside and around you, making
you at once a part of everything, and simply of yourself.
In a Spiritual Journey, you
are reaching out into that energy and experiencing the transformation
of spirit in your every aspect. This can be the spirit and influence
of a deity, such as The Holy Spirit in Judeo-Christian religions, or
it can simply be the spirit of Nature, or the Universe. In all cases
its about finding your connection, and allowing that connection to
transform and evolve you in your entirety.
These are Journeys of the
seeker, sacred Journeys that will transform you into something other
than you were when you began. These are also Journeys of transition,
and many crave this kind of Journey during times of change in their
lives.
Such Journeys, taken at
transitional moments in life, are also known as Rites of Passage.
Rites of Passage are truly much more vital through out life than just
the essential transition from adolescence into adulthood that the term is
most known for. A Rite of Passage is simply: “a ceremony or event
marking an important stage in someone's life”.
Though I am touching on the
subject here, I will be writing more about Rites of Passage in a
different entry where I will outline one of my spiritual / shamanic
duties of Vision Quest sponsorship.
It is a Journey of the
Spirit from which I have returned. Of the above examples and
definitions Vision Quest best describes the Spiritual Journey I
experienced, and certainly seeking a Vision was part of my work, but
it was only a piece of the whole where in a Vision Quest experiencing
the Vision particularly is the whole.
My Journey was of another
ancient breed that I have seen described in books, where the tribal
healer would leave and return, having brought knowledge back to the
tribe that they did not have before. Thus far I haven't been able to
find a specific name for this, and in my mind I don't have a name for
it, but there is a name that suits the experience that has been evolving in my
being since I have returned: Medicine Journey.
By the nature of Spirit, to
truly finish a Spiritual Journey, you must return to complete the
circle. You must return in both action, and intention. In fact, the
decision and knowledge of your return must be with you before you
begin. It is true, you go out to seek within, you go out to find, and
experience, and transform, but also you go out to return. You go out,
to bring back.
It is of my Medicine
Journey that my next post will detail, but this entry marks the
simple, inescapable, all important fact, that I have returned.
I have
come back to you, in the spirit of sharing my experience, to further
enrich myself and you. It is my hope, that my Journey can inspire
yours.
The song in my head:
All images used in this blog adhere to
the license agreements of the image owners.
I found these images of
my own, and gratefully list below the artists who's work I have
presented here.
Image 2 - Joel Montes: https://www.flickr.com/photos/joelmontes/
Image 3 - Paul Bica: https://www.flickr.com/photos/dexxus/
Image 4 - Keller Wilson: https://www.flickr.com/photos/kellarwilson/
Image 5 - Piero Fissore: https://www.flickr.com/photos/pierofix/
